Akatsuki Bowling Team
by AkiraDawn
Summary: Ah yes, Akatsuki has put together a bowling team for a battle against Team Orochimaru...it's too bad their bowling skills lack...R&R! Rated for Language. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1 Bowling Team

Akatsuki Bowling Team

Hey all! Thanx so much for reading my stuff and reviewing my work. I'm so glad you are enjoying it. Prepare for more mayhem as I present to you, Akatsuki Bowling Team!

I don't own Naruto or any of it's characters

Some Background…

Each year Akatsuki gets challenged to some crazy sporting event that they usually end up losing. Last year they lost a ping pong tournament to team Konoha, this year they have been challenged to a bowling tournament by team Orochimaru. Akatsuki is pretty psyched about the big bowl off, they are certain that this is their year to win…

"Okay, I don't want any of you screwing this up this year. We have to beat Orochimaru and his team of losers." Sasori was the king of pep talks. Deidara was so nervous about his poor bowling skills that he had successfully twirled his hair around his finger until he nearly tied it in a knot. Itachi, being the confident one that he was, had faith that his bowling skills could help them out. Hidan and Kakuzu didn't really understand bowling, but they liked the different colored balls. Tobi…well…he liked the electronic scorecard. Zetsu and Kisame were OK bowlers, but they weren't great.

Team Orochimaru consisted of Orochimaru, Kabuto, Sasuke, Kimimaru, Sakon, Tatuya, Jiroubou, and Kidoumaru. Currently. Everyone was getting ready, suiting up in horrifying bowling shoes that Itachi and Deidara would simply not stop botching about and Orochimaru was polishing his purple bowling ball. So, the bowling pattern would go like this: Itachi against Sasuke, Sasori against Orochimaru, Zetsu, against Kimimaru, Deidara against Tatuya, Hidan against Sakon, Kisame against Kabuto, Kakuzu against Jiroubou, and Tobi against Kidoumaru.

"Best 2 out of 3 games. Winner gets a discount card for area businesses and 5 dollars off their next Pizza Hut Pizza." Sasori said shaking Orochimaru's hand. And so Itachi and Sasuke were the first to bowl…

"God! You think you can bowl better than me!" Itachi yelled at Sasuke, however it was just then that Itachi tried to pick up the 20 pound ball. Well, he was a total wuss and opted for the 7 pound ball instead. Sasuke was holding Orochimaru's purple ball.

"Itachi! Quit being a dumb ass and throw a strike!" Sasori demanded. Itachi pulled the dumb blonde act…funny that was usually Deidara's job…

"What's a strike?" Itachi asked irritated. Kisame rolled his eyes.

"You dumb ass! It's knocking all 10 pins down now go bowl against the brother you hate!" Itachi and Sasuke glared at one another, although Itachi was secretly thinking: 'I get so much more action than you'. Itachi prepared to throw the ball and he most definitely wasn't the most graceful bowler, he was more like an antelope who just got stuck in a subway car door…and so the ball when screeching towards the pins.

"Alright! Yeah! Itachi! That was awesome, yeah!" Deidara yelled at him, even though Itachi had only knocked over 1 pin. Oh, this was going to be a long night. Sasuke knocked over 5 pins and so Akatsuki was already pissed that they were losing because Itachi INSISTED on bowling first.

"Okay, Itachi you get another bowl, this time don't screw up!" Sasori nagged. Itachi insisted on fixing his hair in between balls, after all the flailing style of bowling he had, tossed it everywhere. The second ball didn't go to well…it ended up three lanes away because Itachi got so pissed at Sasuke continuously insisting that he had better skin than Itachi that he flung the ball through the bowling alley.

Sasori was once again considering his resignation from Akatsuki…besides he could always join the FBI or the Steel Workers Union…they were great bowlers…


	2. Chapter 2 Bad Bowling Skills

"And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful and it kills him inside…Oh!" Itachi punched Deidara in the chest.

"You dumbass! Shut up and bowl! It's your turn!" Itachi hissed. Akatsuki really couldn't figure out why Deidara knew all the pop radio hits.

"Oh god, yeah. I don't know about this…I mean….it's bowling, yeah."

"Go! It's you against Tatuya." Itachi said sitting down next to Zetsu. No one was certain why, but Tatuya and Deidara had never gotten along, in fact they were near sworn enemies. It probably had something to do with when Dana and Tatuya took dance lessons together and how Tatuya hated Dana because Dana hated Tatuya's hair and then it got back to Deidara because Tatuya was jealous because she could NEVER get Deidara in bed but he thought she was just stupid because of the way she felt about his favorite sister, and…well it got complicated. But the glare they gave one another said it all. Tatuya was to bowl first…

"Come on Tatuya put your ass in to it!" It was the one phrase that Orochimaru never thought he would say…Now, while Tatuya prepared to bowl, Deidara had nervously tied his hair up into a knot…and so he flipped out, completely oblivious to the strike Tatuya had just bowled.

"Itachi! Itachi, get it out yeah! Get it out!" Itachi slapped Deidara and hurriedly untied the knot.

"Oh god, he's going to bowl like a girl, I can tell. Tatuya is like the bowling bitch and Deidara is going to make us all look like a bunch of sissy's." Sasori said rolling his eyes watching Deidara inch up to the bowling lane. He looked terrified of the pins, the ball, everything. Deidara let out a pathetic scream as he slowly bent over.

"I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't do this, yeah, can't do this, yeah…" And so he released the ball…it rolled at a horribly slow pace because he didn't even throw it, he just kind of pushed it and now he had run off into the bathroom to cry.

"God, and you think I'm the fucking drama queen!" Itachi said.

"Hmmm, this is unusual for Deidara, usually it takes the movie 'Star Wars: Return of the Jedi' or a missed clearance sale to do that." Kisame said.

" Seriously, why the hell does anybody cry at the end of any of the Star Wars movies?"

"Why does Deidara wear a pony tail on top his head and play with clay all the time?" Zetsu asked.

"I see your point." Hidan answered. Well,A katsuki was losing. It was time for a round of beers and it was Tobi's turn to bowl. Tobi, being the clutz that he was tripped over his untied shoe string and went hurtling into the balls. It was not a promising evening for Akatsuki. Tobi regained his composure and prepared to face his opponent Kidoumaru. There was really nothing exceptional about either of their bowling skills, however Tobi had a knack for throwing the ball that may work to their advantage. He beat Kidoumaru by 6 pins. Deidara had returned with his emotions in check. Zetsu handed him a beer and it took Deidara no time to dive into it.

"Hidan shut up! Quit telling me how to bowl! You don't have to wrap your bowling techniques up in religions! God! You make me so mad!" Hidan had already began to criticize Kakuzu's bowling skills. That episode was over and a very uninterested Zetsu faced Kimimaro. He didn't understand why he should even try; Kimimaro had bones coming out of him! Howveer, Zetsu knew this was for the good of Akatsuki, so he and his green ball (he wanted to match his plant head) took the lane and he rolled a strike. Naturally, there was lots of cheering and accolade.

"Deidara, it's my turn to bowl. What size shoes do you wear?" It was unknown why Sasori didn't get shoes. Itachi was busy lipping the words 'I hate you' to Sasuke..

"Danna! You know I wear an 8, yeah." Sasori sighed.

"Yes, I forgot you have freakishly small feet." He decided to bowl in socks.

"I do not have freakishly small feet, yeah! It's perfectly normal! Besides, Itachi is a size 8, he and I trade shoes back and forth all the time, yeah!"

"You two have problems." Sasori insisted, but in reality it was probably his jealousy over the fact that Deidara typically picked out the coolest shoes ever and Sasori could wear none of them.

Yes, this bowling adventure was slowly getting worse. Tatuya had started drinking as well as Kabuto, it appeared that they were going to make out or something because Tatuya was trying to take her shirt off and Kabuto had just given the first inclinations that he indeed was not gay with Orochimaru.

"Oh my god! That bastard is trying to feel her up!" Kisame said.

"Whoa! And that one time I found Kabuto much to close to Orochimaru's shower for comfort…I really thought they were together…but now I am so confused!" Itachi said opening another beer. And so the bowling score thus far was Akatsuki 12 Team Orochimaru 23…it was going to be a long night…

Finally got an update in! I'm sorry everyone, school is keeping me so busy and I'm so exhausted by the time I have free time to update. I promise though I'll update again!


	3. Chapter 3 Open Deidara

"Okay, this is not going well. The score is now 29 us 70 them, Tayuya is making out with Kabuto like really heavily, Tobi has his shoes tied together and he can't get them untied, Kisame has already gotten his hand stuck in that thing that spits the balls out three times, Hidan stuffed Kakuzu into a bowling ball bag, and now Itachi and Deidara are so drunk that they just leaft and went to play pool with those scary biker guys." Sasori said to Zetsu. It seemed they were the only two sane ones Akatsuki had left.

"You remember that incident with Itachi and the pool table in 'the leader's' basement?" Zetsu asked watching Itachi who was actually quite the pool player.

"How could I ever forget…he threw the eight ball at me and Deidara when we walked in and honestly, I didn't even know that position was possible, let alone on a pool table. I'm glad the leader got rid of that table 3 weeks later." Sasori said.

"Itachi, Itachi, Itaaaa…..yeah." Deidara had started laughing hysterically. He always did that when he was drunk. One of the biker guys had tied a black bandana around Deidara's forehead. Orochimaru was comparing his tongues length to the tongue length of singer Gene Simmons from heavy metal band Kiss. It seemed that the only ones concerned with bowling at this point was Sasori, Zetsu, Kidoumaru and Kimimaro. Bowling night was most definitely tanking quickly and at this rate team Orochimaru would win the discount card and the 5 dollars off their next pizza for sure. Kimimaro had just made 2 strikes in a row. Zetsu and Sasori just shook their heads…not because the score had just gone up substantially but because Kisame was going to bowl next and he had completely fallen in love with a ball with a shark on it. Tobi was still tied up in his shoes and now Kakuzu was trying to roll over towards Sasori and Zetsu in hopes that they would unzip him from the bowling ball bag. Hidan decided that he would start bowling again to try and get their score up. He had horrible aim and so that didn't work out to anyone's advantage except Orochimaru's team. "Oh my god! Itachi! Kabuto and Tayuya are like totally making out, yeah! Itachi! They're doing it all wrong! Oh my god! Kabuto thinks she likes that, yeah? No! No! No! No, yeah! Itachi! Go tell him girls so don't like that, yeah!" Deidara was panicking.

"No you idiot! Let him find out the hard way. Anyone stupid enough to think that she would like THAT is a total moron!" Itachi reassured Deidara. Itachi and Deidara were preparing to play another round of pool with the scary biker guys.  
Zetsu had gone to get Sasori and Zetsu a hot dog from the concession place within the bowling alley. However, he got sidetracked on the way there was stalking some guy he had considered eating. But later, he decided he was just too depressed to eat anyone…so he went and got the hot dogs instead.

"And this one time I slept with this blonde girl, her name was Jasmine, she was really nice and I liked her, but I found out she was into candle wax, yeah. So then, I was like I'm not into candle wax, yeah. I mean come on! That stuff…it like burns, yeah! I don't want to get burned in bed, you know, yeah! I'm way cuddlier than that, yeah!" When Deidara was this drunk, he always told all.

"Man, that must have been hard for you." One of the scary biker guys said.

"Yeah, I mean Itachi thinks I'm tacky when I say his, but he's a bitch, anyway, when I'm with a girl it's always about her because that's the way it should be…but the wax girl Jasmine…I was a little worried, yeah." Deidara was into another beer.  
Meanwhile, back on the lanes…Kakuzu was out of the bowling ball bag and Akatsuki had lost the first game 70-137. Sasori was royally pissed… 


	4. Chapter 4 Senor Sanchez's Taco Casa

Well, things were not looking good for Akatsuki…Itachi and Deidara were making fun of Orochimaru's bowling shirt. Hidan and Kakuzu were fighting over why bowling lanes were made of wood and not Jello. Zetsu and Sasori were too pissed to talk to anyone, Kisame and Tobi were lost in a moment of disbelief that they had actually lost the bowling 'tournament'. They were even more disturbed that Kabuto and Tayuya were apparently an item. So needless to say, they all left the bowling alley disappointed that they had lost. The three game scores: 70-137, 75-160, 40-92 it was sad really.

Team Orochimaru was celebrating as Akatuski sadly left. Of course, Itachi and Deidara were drunk and they weren't certain why everyone was so disappointed.

"Hey you all want to stop and get a taco at Senor Sanchez's Taco Casa?" Sasori asked.

"We could, but you know how Senor Sanchez pours tequila down Deidara every time we're there." Kisame answered.

"Well, Deidara's small but he can hold his liquor a hell of a lot better than Itachi." Sasori said.

"Alright, let's go to the Taco Casa." Kisame said. And so Akatsuki headed for Senor Sanchez's Taco Casa.

"We're going to Taco Casa, yeah! Oh my god! Itachi, we're going to Taco Casa!" Deidara was thrilled beyond belief. Of course, he was still laughing like an idiot, actually Sasori and Zetsu figured he probably didn't know that they lost the bowling tournament. They had barely entered the door to Taco Casa when Senor Sanchez spotted his favorite drunk blonde.

"SENOR SANCHEZ, YEAH!" And of course Deidara simply HAD to hug him.

"Si, senor Deidara! You've already been drinking?"

"Well….Itachi…how many beers did we have, yeah?" Deidara asked.

"I don't know…..2?" Itachi wasn't too certain.

"SENOR SANCHEX HAS THE BEST TEQUILA, YEAH!" Deidara yelled to Tobi who had never been to Taco Casa.

"Deidara, he's 24 inches from you, you don't have to scream….YOU STUPID DRUNK!" Sasori was pissed again.

And so Akatsuki gathered around a large table and Senor Sanchez hurriedly brought the coldest, strongest margaritas in town to the table. Now, it should be made known that the last time Akatsuki went to Senor Sanchez's Taco Casa they were all so drunk from Tequila that Kisame hugged Zetsu and Itachi opened up like a waterfall to Deidara and the night ended in a shopping trip to Forever 21's Midnight sale, a game of Chinese Checkers, and a vegetable tray…it was a bizarre combination. So, it was hard to tell how tonight would end.

The bonding over hard tequila, tortilla chips, salsa and crunch tacos began…spite the loss of the bowling tournament.

Okay everybody, I'm sorry this was such a crappy fic. I really hatred the way I took FOREVER to finish this poorly written Akatsuki adventure. I PROMISE the next fic won't suck ass. I'm going to post the first chapter of a new fic later tonight. The title you ask? Akatsuki Babysitters!

Much Love AkiraDawn


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